there were days (2) ...

Fuck this post
Fuck this post so much.
You want a “Why not?”
How about the way your best friend’s older sister will throw up by the side of the road because she’s crying so hard
How about the way your best friend will sob for weeks in her showers, in her bedroom, in the bathroom at school
How about the way your mother will cry every time she looks at herself in the mirror and pictures herself bringing you home
How about the way your father’s eyes will NEVER stop mirroring the image of your hanging body
How about the way your boyfriend will sit in his room in silence, unable to eat or sleep, or even to fucking shower, because why would he want to continue without you
How about the way the girl who called you a brother will start crying every time she sees your parents
How about the way your family will sit in your house after the funeral looking blankly at one another, because god knows they can’t find a fucking thing to say that doesn’t just float through the air where you should be walking
How about the way your sister will wake up every morning and see your door and convince herself that you could still be there, just sleeping in your bed
How about the way your ex girlfriend will come over and pull your clothes from the drawers and cry while she holds them desperately to her face to breathe in what’s left of you

Don’t you dare tell me it won’t change things
There may be stars in the sky and wind in the air and sun in the clouds
But without you we do not want them

Don’t you dare be selfish enough to believe you aren’t important to us

So fuck this post
and fuck this romanticism of suicide
and fuck you for leaving my sister to cry in her room when she thinks nobody can hear